Category: Leadership Resilience

And Actively Listen to the Answers

At work, one of the best ways to improve your relationships with your colleagues, superiors and direct reports is to ask meaningful open-ended questions and then sit back and listen- actively.  In an earlier blog post, I described active listening as the state where you focus completely on the other person, don’t speak, have open body language and nod encouragingly as you listen.

When you do that after asking questions which require more than a yes or no answer, amazing things happen to your communication.

Here’s an example. Let’s say you’re workingon a major project with many components and several colleagues. Try asking a question like “Could you please give me your perspective on the status of the project?”  If they answer, “It’s going fine,” say “Tell me more.  Could you give me an overall update on thehighs and lows and any concerns/ suggestions you may have?”  That way, you will receive much more detailed information and gain some new insights. It’s much more effective than saying, “How’s the project going?” because that might yield only a one or two word answer.  Thank the colleague for sharing their perceptions and decide what you want to do with the information.  Either way, you’ll have shown the colleague that you value them and their input, and you may very well have gained new data you didn’t have before.

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 ©2011 Snowden McFall All Rights Reserved. No duplication 
or reprinting without permission and author reference

Release Your Anger Before the Holidays

With the holidays upon us, it is easy to let family anxiety come between you and your spouse or partner.  Emotional “junk”  like anger, frustration, petty annoyances, can  build up in your relationships  when you are not willing to talk about the issues. Fear about seeing family members can intensify the tension.Then one day, you explode, because they have all accumulated.

Often, this has the exact opposite effect than what you wanted.

Your partner is usually shocked and hurt and feels like this came out of nowhere. The solution is to mention the little things as they show up, make requests and own your reactions to things.
“I know this might sound petty, but it really bothers me when you leave the cap off the toothpaste. Could you please try to put it back it on?”

That is a reasonable request, shows your need and asks for a solution. Ask- not demand. Share your feelings, explain what bothers you and don’t blame. Encourage your spouse to share their petty annoyances, too and explain that your goal is to have a more loving relationship where stuff does not get in the way. If  you clean up the little things as they arise, you won’t have BIG problems later on.

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 ©2011 Snowden McFall All Rights Reserved. No duplication 
or reprinting without permission and author reference.

What You Think About Does Make a Big Difference

In his new book, Social Intelligence, Daniel  Goleman writes about recent brain research: “One person’s inner state affects and drives the other person….We actually catch each other’s emotions like a cold.” The moresignificant the relationship is, the greater the impact on the other person.   Our thoughts have tremendous power.  The ramifications of  this are interesting.

If you have annoying co-workers or employees, and you continue to think that they are obnoxious or rude, or whatever your belief system is about them, you will unconsciously be creating more of what you don’t want in them.  If, on the other hand, you start focusing on their good qualities, both inside yourself and verbally to them, you will help strengthen their positive characteristics and your relationship.

This has great implications for employer-employee relationships, wherea perceptive boss who becomes aware of her/his thoughts, can actually contribute to an employee’s greater success… just by the way they think about that employee.

Thoughts are incredibly powerful, so monitor yours carefully and think about what you truly want to create in your life.

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 ©2011 Snowden McFall All Rights Reserved. No duplication 
or reprinting without permission and author reference.

Fired Up! Employees Make A Huge Difference

In his book, Social Intelligence, Daniel  Goleman writes about recent brain research:

“One person’s inner state affects and drives the other person….We actually catch each other’s emotions like a cold.”

The more significant the relationship is, the greater the impact on the other person.  This is why toxic relationships with people who yell or demean us truly make us ill, and why loving, nurturing people make us feel better.

The implications of this research on the workplace are staggering.  You can no longer afford to let that bad apple with the lousy attitude stay on board. He or she is literally poisoning your business.  Angry, hostile managers actually demotivate their employees.

When I first opened my business over 28 years ago, negativity and badmouthing were grounds for firing in my policy manual. I encourage my people to come to each other or to me work things out.  But a bad attitude just does not work for anyone.  You can always train people skills but negativity is a poison that can do great damage to your workplace.

Social intelligence means giving undivided, caring attention to others, demonstrating interest and empathy.  This is what builds relationships and what generates employee enthusiasm and loyalty. So give careful attention to the relationships you are building and the corporate culture you are promoting. Reward others and praise others specifically and publicly. Have a success board of company victories. Celebrate small successes along the way.  Keep Fired Up! people around and your organization will ignite with growth and goodwill.

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 ©2012 Snowden McFall All Rights Reserved. No 
duplication or reprinting without permission and author reference.