To all the single women- Happy Valentines

To all my single friends-

I remember very well from the days when I was single, what it felt like on Valentine’s Day. Here’s what I want you to know.
You are worthy and you are enough just by being who you are. You do not need a partner to be whole and complete. It is far better to be single than to be in a destructive relationship where you are devalued.

You are wonderful. You have unique talents and gifts and you make a difference in the world just by being you.

You are loved and appreciated, especially by me.
Happy Valentine’s Day

hugs

Snowden

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Comparison is the Thief of Joy

Why Are You Comparing Yourself?

“Comparison is the thief of joy.” Theodore Roosevelt

This is so true. Why do we as humans spend so much time comparing ourselves to others. I remember as a child that phrase “Keeping up with the Jones.” One of my childhood friends had gotten a swimming pool and everyone else was so envious. None of the other families could afford one and they began to compare themselves and find themselves lacking. Or they badmouthed the family that did have the pool.

That same pattern continues throughout adolescence, where we compare our bodies to those of others, our skin, our romantic relationships, our academic achievement, almost every aspect of ourselves. Our peers don’t make it any easier, and bullies can make it
downright painful.

And as adults, it continues. Our co-worker gets a promotion and we wonder “Why not me?” We judge ourselves as inferior.

All of this is a big waste of time and energy. Truly, the only thing we should be comparing ourselves to is ourselves.

Measure your progress with your goals and dreams. How far have you come? What have you achieved? What have you overcome? And if you don’t have goals and dreams, set some. That way, you can gauge your success.
But let go of the comparison game because you always lose. There will always be someone more and less successful, more and less beautiful, more and less wealthy. Measure yourself on your terms and embrace your own unqiue talents, gifts and magnificence. You are a gift to the world if you will share yourself.

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Are You a Success in Your Own Eyes?

Only You Can Define Success

Not long ago, I lunched with an extraordinary young woman. We chatted about her internship at a battered women’s shelter. The experience had such a profound impact upon her that she’s going to become a social worker. She questioned me about my life and the decisions I‘d made. She knew my parents had been alcoholics and that had substantially influenced my life choices.

My recommendation to her was to define success on her own terms and do what was truly meaningful to her. The families she had helped would never forget her acts of kindness. They meant more than any accolade, award or degree. The same is true of all those volunteers who are helping anywhere in the world, or just down the street.

In the final analysis, your life will not be measured by how high on the ladder you climbed, how much money you made, or how much you achieved. It will be measured by the lives you touched, the kindness you extended, the generosity of your heart.

You are a success, just by being who you are. Never forget that.

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Watch your Negative Self-Talk

Stop Judging Yourself: Watch Your Negative Self-Talk

In a recent interview, Barbara Corcoran of Shark Tank, real estate mogul and successful business woman, shared some of her life challenges. As a child in a family of 10 in NJ, she was a delayed learner, and she is super-sensitive about being called “dumb” or “stupid.” She says negative self-talk has limited her and also been a driving force. She has retrained her brain to respond inside of herself when someone says she can’t do something or is rude or condescending. She now says to herself ” I have a right to be here, just as much as you. I have a right to be successful.”

That’s a powerful way to respond to negativity. It’s very important to be aware of what we say to ourselves, as most of us tend to judge ourselves very harshly. Our negative self-talk can be very destructive. Instead, when you find yourself condemning yourself for something, do the following:

• Say “Stop” out loud.

• Forgive yourself

• Say something affirming instead, like Barbara’s statement , or “I can do better.” “I am an effective, successful person.” “It’s OK, life goes on.”

The key is to change the language to be more positive and let it go- FAST!

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Increase Your Confidence with Power Poses

Change Your Physiology with Power Poses

“Our nonverbals govern how other people think and feel about us.” Amy Cuddy

Amy Cuddy, in her excellent TedX video on youtube, shares some fascinating information about body language and positions of power. Many people collapse in on themselves during periods of stress, demonstrated physically by crossed legs, ankles, arms, hunched shoulders, hands in front of body. Confident people spread out, open up, take up space.

To gain more power, stand in the Wonder Woman pose (or Superman) for 2 minutes before a stressful event like a big meeting, speech, interview, etc. Amy’s research shows that doing that for 2 minutes actually increases your testoterone and lowers your cortisol levels (stress hormone.) Other power poses are the victory pose (arms in air shaped like v) or arms crossed behind your head. Stretch out, open your body up, breathe deeply and take up more space. Try it and see what a difference it makes.