anger Archives - Motivational Speeches and books by Snowden McFall

Turn Your Anger into Action!

Don’t Let Anger Make You Bitter- DO SOMETHING POSITIVE

There are a number of disturbing things going on in the world. The Ferguson case continues to sadden us. Legislation blocking voter rights is very upsetting, and on and on. And yet you CAN do something about it.

• Take action. Channel your anger and frustration into working for a cause you support. Volunteer for children’s safety. Help out at a shelter. Write letters, grants, sign petitions, contact Congress. Do something positive with that energy. Join me on Oct 25 Make a Difference Day and clean up a park.

• Be FOR something, not against. Be FOR the safety of our children, for justice, for integrity and ethical behavior rather than against others. Take the higher road and model it for others. Complaining and raging all day does nothing. Taking action and being a force for good does make a difference. Speak
up for those who need you.

• Look for the good. There are many great inspirational stories happening all the time, but they get very little play in the media. Here’s a wonderful story about two black teenagers who rescued a 5 year old white kidnap victim. They didn’t let race or hate stop them from being heroes. Here’s the link to watch the story.

http://www.cnn.com/2013/07/15/justice/pennsylvania-teen-heroes/index.html

Focus on the positive happening in your world. Avoid the news, because it is mostly bad. Get inspired by beauty, by kindness, by small acts that make a huge difference.

And remember this statement by Margaret Mead: “Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed people can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.”

Remember that YOU DO make a difference.

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Don’t Sit on Your Anger- Let it Go

Keeping It In Can Be Very Unhealthy

Anger can make you ill. When small children have a temper tantrum, they get it all out and are fine half and hour later. Adults tend to not be so lucky. They site and fume and let the anger build until they explode, often at a loved one. This is clearly not the way to build healthy relationships.

Your body reacts in all sorts of ways when you get angry:
• your muscles tense up
• your heart rate increases (average heart rate of 80 climbs to 180 beats per minute)
• your blood pressure soars (120/80 quickly rises to 220 over 130)
• your blood sugar drops (dangerous for diabetics or hypoglycemics)

Prolonged stress and anger can lead to many health disorders: heart attacks and stroke, memory impairment, stomachaches, irritable bowel syndrome, etc. Don’t sit on your anger; defuse it.

Here are 3 ways to release it safely:
1. Write it all down and then tear up the paper into teeny pieces and flush it. Or burn it in a fireplace. This is very satisfying.

2. If you want to hit something, hit a punching bag at a gym or pound pillows. Stand with feet hip width apart and raise your hands over your head to really put the anger into the pillows.

3. Use empathy. Put yourself in the shoes of the other person and try to see from their viewpoint. Have compassion and use forgiveness to process through it. Forgiveness is always the best healing agent.

Ask yourself, what is the anger costing you? Usually, it isn’t worth it. Let it go. You’ll be healthier and happier.

©2012 Snowden McFall All Rights Reserved. 
No duplication or reprinting without permission and author reference

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Clean Up Your Emotional Junk

Release Your Anger Before the Holidays

With the holidays upon us, it is easy to let family anxiety come between you and your spouse or partner. Emotional “junk” like anger, frustration, petty annoyances, can build up in your relationships when you are not willing to talk about the issues. Fear about seeing family members can intensify the tension.Then one day, you explode, because they have all accumulated.

Often, this has the exact opposite effect than what you wanted.

Your partner is usually shocked and hurt and feels like this came out of nowhere. The solution is to mention the little things as they show up, make requests and own your reactions to things.
“I know this might sound petty, but it really bothers me when you leave the cap off the toothpaste. Could you please try to put it back it on?”

That is a reasonable request, shows your need and asks for a solution. Ask- not demand. Share your feelings, explain what bothers you and don’t blame. Encourage your spouse to share their petty annoyances, too and explain that your goal is to have a more loving relationship where stuff does not get in the way. If you clean up the little things as they arise, you won’t have BIG problems later on.

To sign up for Snowden’s ezine newsletter on stress, happiness, marketing and motivation, go to: https://firedupnow.com/firedupemailregister.html

 ©2011 Snowden McFall All Rights Reserved. No duplication 
or reprinting without permission and author reference.

Fire Up Your Communication with Clarification

Minimize the Stress of Conflict with Better Communication

So often when colleagues are disagreeing with each other, they rarely listen to what the other is saying. In today’s world, we are all so busy, it’s rare that people give each other their undivided attention. To help diffuse a potentially volatile situation, do the following:

• turn off phones & beepers and give total eye contact to the other person

• be sure you understand exactly what the other person is saying. Rarely do we truly hear the message the first time. If you are unclear, own it. Say “I want to make sure I understand your perspective. Could you please restate it in another way for me?”

That action alone will disarm someone, because they realize you truly want to hear them. We all have that basic need. Most people are delighted to elaborate on their viewpoint.

• While listening, if you find yourself getting more and more agitated, stop the conversation and clarify again, respectfully, carefully. You could use phrases like: “Can you elaborate more on that? Please say more about____.”

Each time you do this, you honor the other person, you cool down and you actually clarify their viewpoint. You might also learn something new. And best of all, you have diffused a potentially volatile situation that might have led to unpleasant working relationships. Listening well is key to good communication.

To sign up for Snowden’s ezine newsletter on stress, happiness, marketing and motivation, go to: https://firedupnow.com/firedupemailregister.html

 ©2011 Snowden McFall All Rights Reserved. No duplication 
or reprinting without permission and author reference.

Toxic People Destroy Your Work Environment

The Dangers of Toxic People

In his book, Social Intelligence, Daniel Goleman writes about recent brain research which is quite compelling. “One person’s inner state affects and drives the other person…. We actually catch each other’s emotions like a cold.” The more significant the relationship, the greater the impact on the other person. This is why toxic relationships with people who yell or demean us truly make us ill, and why loving, nurturing people make us feel better.

Being with a highly positive person or a joyful young child is an immune system booster. Upbeat, caring co-workers who listen and encourage others are gold in the office. They make all the difference on stressful days.

The implications of this research on the workplace are staggering. You can no longer afford to let that bad apple with the lousy attitude stay on board. He or she is literally poisoning your business. Angry, hostile managers actually demotivate their employees. Social intelligence means giving undivided, caring attention to others, demonstrating interest and empathy. This is what builds relationships and what generates employee enthusiasm and loyalty.

Give careful attention to the relationships your people are building and the corporate culture you are promoting. Keep Fired Up! people around who inspire and encourage ithers and your organization will ignite with growth and goodwill.

 ©2011 Snowden McFall All Rights Reserved. No duplication

Resolving Conflict with Non-Violent Communication

One of the most profound and powerful books I have ever read is Non-Violent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg. Written by a man who has negotiated between Palestinians and Israelis, gang war members, business associates and married couples, this book holds the key to getting what you want out of good relationships.

Seemingly simple, his concept has 4 major components for any meaningful conversations.

1. Observe what the other person is doing or saying without judgment or blame ex: “I heard you had a loud discussion with that customer. Sounded like everyone was upset.”

2. State how we feel when we observe this action: “I get nervous when I hear difficult customer conversations because I am worried about us losing the business. Maintaining good relationships is very important to our work.”

3. State your needs. “We need to keep every customer happy and add new business. Satisfied customers refer other customers.That’s how we keep this company going. ”

4. Make a request: “I’d like to help you deal with those difficult customers. Next time an upset customer calls, would you be willing to simply listen, let them know you understand and will get back to them and not lose your temper? Then you can come discuss the issue with me and we’ll resolve it.”

The technique requires honesty, thoughtfulness and empathy, but it has very powerful results. When I first started using the technique with my husband, we were amazed. Both of us used the tools, and felt deeply honored and cared about. It has deepened an already rich relationship and I have seen the same thing with my clients.

Read the book and put it into practice- and let me know your great results.

@2011 Snowden McFall.  All Rights Reserved. No duplication without permission

Do You Just Want to Scream You’re So Angry?

Have you ever watched a young child have a really spirited temper tantrum – where they jump up and down, stomp their feet, make fists and holler? And then ten minutes later, they’re just fine. They let go of the frustration, move on and get back to being happy. Wouldn’t it be nice if we adults could deal with our anger that quickly?

Your body reacts when you are angry, from tense muscles to increased hart rate to accelerated breathing, soaring blood pressure, drops in blood sugar and more. It takes a long time for your body to return to its natural resting state. Prolonged stress and anger can lead to : heart attacks and stroke, memory impairment, stomachaches, irritable bowel syndrome, and even vision problems.

Tips for Handling Anger

1. Count to 10. Try it. Just take time to simmer down and think about the consequences of losing your temper or reacting badly.

2. If you want to hit something, hit a punching bag at a gym or pound pillows.

3. Breathe deeply at least 5 times. Put your hands on your abdomen, fill it up all the way and let it out…slowly. Do this several times to regain control and calm your system.

4. Take a time out. Those of you with young children in your life know how effective this can be. When you are really upset or angry, remove yourself from the situation.

5. Get moving. The Scandinavian Journal of Medicine & Science in Sports reported that runners were 70 percent less likely to experience high stress and life dissatisfaction. So go work out somehow and let off your steam.

6. Forgive yourself and others.This is one of the most dramatic and liberating ways to release anger. Liberate yourself from the energy it takes to hold negative resentments or hurt feelings against someone. You don’t forgive for the benefit of the other person, you forgive for yourself.

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