One of the most profound and powerful books I have ever read is Non-Violent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg. Written by a man who has negotiated between Palestinians and Israelis, gang war members, business associates and married couples, this book holds the key to getting what you want out of good relationships.
Seemingly simple, his concept has 4 major components for any meaningful conversations.
1. Observe what the other person is doing or saying without judgment or blame ex: “I heard you had a loud discussion with that customer. Sounded like everyone was upset.”
2. State how we feel when we observe this action: “I get nervous when I hear difficult customer conversations because I am worried about us losing the business. Maintaining good relationships is very important to our work.”
3. State your needs. “We need to keep every customer happy and add new business. Satisfied customers refer other customers.That’s how we keep this company going. ”
4. Make a request: “I’d like to help you deal with those difficult customers. Next time an upset customer calls, would you be willing to simply listen, let them know you understand and will get back to them and not lose your temper? Then you can come discuss the issue with me and we’ll resolve it.”
The technique requires honesty, thoughtfulness and empathy, but it has very powerful results. When I first started using the technique with my husband, we were amazed. Both of us used the tools, and felt deeply honored and cared about. It has deepened an already rich relationship and I have seen the same thing with my clients.
Read the book and put it into practice- and let me know your great results.
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